Get it out, Jayne

May I start this post with an explanation? Is that against the rules?

I've been trying to write this for 3 weeks. I've written it lots of different ways, and each one was bad bad bad. I can't sugar coat it because it sounds like I'm sugar coating it. I can't beat around the bush because it's obvious that I am. 

The reason for this is that I have an undying need within me to avoid offending people. I will go through great lengths to avoid doing this very thing - although I often fail. 

So I'm forgetting about all of the wordiness and I'm just going to give you the bare facts. No sugar, no beating. 

I'm skinny. 

I have always been skinny. 

I have never ever tried to be skinny. 

I have never been able to converse with a human being about the human condition without enduring some sort of "you're so skinny."

Will someone tell me how to respond to "You're so skinny. I hate you."

I spend an abnormal amount of time every day eating. 

I eat a lot. 

Growing and Feeding babies doesn't help the condition of course, but I was like this before the baby making happened.  

I can not go more than 1.5 hours without eating. 

This is sounding really serious, isn't it?

It's not really serious. 

It's just me venting and I don't do this very often so thanks.

I have always worried about food. 

About whether or not I would be able to access some at all times. 

Where is all the food that I eat going? 

Yes, Claire is a little chunker for sure, but really?

Is my food turning into energy or not?

I feel good as long as I've eaten really really recently. 

One hour before Emmy was born I consumed 2 HEAPING plates of Grandpa Tom's Fettucini Alfredo. 

This may be one of the top reasons I have to home birth. Ice Chips? Excuse me? You want me to do the most physically difficult thing of my life on ICE CHIPS?!

Ahem.

Since I have never worried about weight I have never really given my physical self much thought at all. 

Because of this, I don't give your physical self much thought at all either. 

You think you're heavy? That surprises me, since it's never even crossed my mind.

This is good and bad.

Yes, I see you for YOU, and not anything else, which is really good.

But it also makes me very insensitive and I think I get myself into trouble more often than I realize.

Your job is to please believe me when I say that I think you are absolutely beautiful, because it's true. 

Weight has never been a concern for me, so it is not something I ever think about. 

Yours or mine.

Thoughts of "you should exercise" recently entered into my consciousness, and it may have been the first time it's ever happened.
I have never exercised just for the sake of exercising.
Ever.

But I want to.
But I don't know how.
But but but...
Some one tell me what to do so I can get my buns back where they should be.
Oh yes, they are the same size as they've always been.
They're just not in the same place.

*snicker*

What if exercise hurts?
What if it interferes with my nap?
What if I have to take breaks to have a snack?
What if my snack is chocolate chip cookies?
What if I have to wear "exercise clothes"?

Any one out there still love me?

Good bye forever,
-Saggy saggy